My Favorite DJ Shadow Track

I am a true fan of Hip Hop music so I have to admit I was really looking forward to this particular section of Blog topics.  After downloading the entire album and listening to all of the tracks I have to say that this is a great album.  It is fun, different and a remarkable mix of different sounds and genres of music.   I am a music lover and can appreciate a true sense of musicianship.  I love it when you see an artist and their music sounds as good, if not better live than it does on the CD.  Even if the genre is not my favorite I have a real respect for musicians.  While DJ Shadow is mixing music, sounds and spoken word.  He is a true musician.  He is creating art.

I liked the recommend track, "Building Steam with a Grain of Salt", but I have to say that my favorite was "What does Your Soul Look Like Pt 1".  I think I liked this track for the beat and the fact that it was really jazzy and bluesy.  I had surgery last week and was in recovery mode while exploring the album.  There was something very earthy and healing about that track for me.  I have been playing it while writing this blog and it puts me in a very mellow space.  There is also a subtle loop in the track that features a horn.  For some reason the horn takes me back to another time.  Isn’t it funny how music can have transformative qualities?

No matter what is going on in my world I can turn on my IPod and instantly be taken away from everyday life.  Just hearing a few notes from a song that I love can take me back ten years in a few seconds.  I may not be able to remember what I made for dinner last night but I can listen to a song I have not heard in 10 years and remember exactly what I was doing when I first heard it.  Music is amazing!

Coming into the Light: A Journey for Phil and I

My path into the light or into a place of awareness was brought on for me by another person.  In my previous blog I spoke about the time I discovered that my boyfriend had been unfaithful to me.  I did not come to this realization on my own.  Someone had to come in, break the chains or reveal the shadow as false to me in order for me to start the climb to self awareness.  In Plato's Cave we never really know how the prisoner became free.  I wonder if he was released, much like my self, or if he came to the realization all on his own?  I could debate the two sides of the coin to either conclusion.  I wonder if I would have stayed in the cave indefinitely or if I would have been able to bring myself into the light eventually?  I would like to think so.

Phil faced a similar journey to myself.  At the beginning of the movie he was ignorant to what a jerk he was.  Even if there was some self awareness he didn't care to see how miserable he was or how miserable he made others.  His reality existed in his mind and what was going on in the real world was irrelevant.  His journey was brought to him by having to live the experience of being caught in the same day.  He was doomed to repeat his choices until he came into the light or stepped away from his own ignorance.  Very much like myself, Phil was freed by the actions of something outside of himself.  

Both Phil and I went through some the same stages when learning to deal with our new realities.  There was denial, disbelief, grief, depression, moving on and finally coming to a point where it was OK to work on our selves. Becoming true and authentic can be a long and painful journey...but isn't it really worth it?

Why Did It Take Me So Long To Break The Chains?

I am sure that we all have tale that we can relate to Plato’s Cave because it is such a universal story. I thought of many instances in my life that I could relate to this allegory but one stuck out in my mind. I hate to tell such a clichéd story but it is this experience that taught me such a good lesson and ultimately brought me to a better place of truth and knowledge in all my relationships.

Yes, I am going to tell you of a time I dealt with infidelity in a relationship. I had been living with a young man, we will call him James. We were completely in love and I thought I was the only one in his life. I was very much like one of Plato’s prisoners. My eyes were locked forward and I could only see the images being acted out for me on the screen. These images were not real; they were distorted versions of the truth. I thought I was looking at love, respect, fidelity and a future. Much like the prisoners in bonds I did not realize that what I was seeing was not real, the distortions were a mere distraction to keep in mesmerized and unable to see the truth. Looking back on it I feel silly and ashamed that I couldn’t see what was so clear once I got into the light.

While Plato’s prisoner was freed inexplicably, I was freed from the distortions in a very deliberate manner. The young woman who was also in a relationship with my boyfriend reached out to me and forced me up into the light. As she described their relationship to me I felt like I had been jolted from a sleep and quickly pushed up towards the light. I felt sick and completely betrayed. It was a feeling of being lost, wondering if I was ever going to get to the top of the cave and reach the light of day. Much like anyone who leaves the dark into the direct light I was confused, disoriented and bewildered. I was unsure of what to think of my new reality and couldn’t really understand my new surroundings. There was a long period where I doubted my new reality as well as the cave I was coming from. Nothing seemed real or authentic.

After this adjustment period I suddenly saw the reality of the situation and could not believe I had been so blind. Just like Plato’s prisoner I had to go back to take another look at where I had come from, even if it was only to ensure I never go back to that cave again. Looking back on the situation, or back down into the cave, I could see my self in the bonds and watching the distorted images of truth being acted out for me. Yes I looked happy or content but I also looked ignorant and disillusioned. This is not happiness or true content with another person.

The relationship that I am in now brings me a great sense of happiness. It is a relationship based in truth and in the light. We are both authentic to who we are. We can look directly at each other and not have to act out or shadow play a role for each other. My past experience gave me the knowledge and perception to be comfortable distinguishing the difference between the light and the cave. Granted I still like to be the best version of myself for him and I am sure he does the same for me. That being said we will continue to grow together as true people enjoying the light together.